There is something mesmerising and unique about strolling on fallen leaves. The fragility and frailty of these leaves are a good reminder of how life with all its imperfections is precious.
Personally I never feel that autumn is a sad season. It is truly beautiful; it is a portrait of life cycles, it is the invigorating sense of fighting for survival. The nature shows off its knowledge for continued existence. In order to continue with life, many parts that make the whole, they must sacrifice themselves and die. Trees and plants celebrate hopes for another cycle of life, they play the most cruel game: gambling on possibilities of death and banking that they will live again.
Those red and tearful eyes were sad and angry. The betrayal may not have been intentional but the heartaches and pains were just as real as if it were. Painful and inconsolable, and none of them were much different from the others either. There was yet another, talking of trust betrayed. They insisted repeatedly that they did not deserve these cruel cold lines used for their break ups.
Earlier I had listened to her, quietly and for very long. She had talked for some time. She was just as upset as the last I'd heard. A very strange fortnight, since two weeks ago when I had heard of the first break up I have become a lot better at this. I am still baffled by what has gone on. She is the 4th, and at this rate there will soon be none in my circle of friends who are still in a relationship.
With the first break-up I was too eager to comfort her. I had dived in with many supporting comments. This was a bad mistake. A very bad mistake. I know better now, I have learned.
She spoke and I kept quiet. I let her say all she wanted. She did not want to hear any from me but instead wanted me to hear from her anger, her disappointment and how her dreams had vanished in one very brief conversation.
With the news of the 2nd and 3rd friends' break-ups I had become a true believer in the calming effects of keeping my mouth shut.
This afternoon when the 4th friend said "we broke up yesterday.", my immediate thought was if there was a relationships virus going around. A very silly thought but random misfortunes are not supposed to take part in any organised sequence.
I am not sure how endearing it is to be considered as a very close friend in such times to hear talks of sadness and vulnerability. I have been privy to much that I had wished not to hear since I feel they should not feel so much anger and pain and sadness.
Is it part of this seasonal change effecting many ? I can't think it being pure coincidence that in less than two weeks I have heard of four friends relationships ending. I can hear my mother's voice in such circumstances "It is people's destiny, and it is for the best, you will see!", I wish I could think the same but I can't.
Everyone chooses their own destiny, it is the consequences of these choices that we must learn to come to terms with.
Under my feet, the leaves' crunching with that special feel of sound and sight, these are very familiar, they are the sounds and sights from my childhood days; the breaking and squishing noises. My feet are encouraged with these sounds to take another step with every step, and I continue to walk through the park. This is a beautiful park, another very good reason to like my neighbourhood.
I needed to clear my head. After that long conversation I felt I really needed this. It is not easy to sympathise and keep a sensible conversation when the other party is in no mood for talking sense, specially when they feel that it is with their sensibility that they are hurt.
There is still some light in the late afternoon's sky, the air is crisp, and the breeze is cold enough to persuade me to put my hands rather quickly back into my pockets after I switched on my mp3 player. The tracks that I am hearing remind me of the summer picnics that I shared with a dear friend in this park.
It is strangely a sweet and warm feeling inside remembering those. We had danced these tracks on the green grass fields that were here then and under the shades of those massive tall trees there. They are still standing tall but almost totally bare of any leaves. We had danced without embarrassment or care. Passers-by came and went, some bemused and some others visibly amused. We shared an ear piece each to enjoy listening to the music as we danced those heartfelt melodies. We enjoyed sharing and enclosing ourselves in one another's embrace. I am glad that we celebrated making ourselves those memories when we could.
On the way home the last thing on mind was any thoughts of the autumn blues, I had switched off the mp3 player. I wanted to better hear and feel those leaves, picturing us dancing some tangos, specially for this autumn.
