Sunday, December 31

A Scent

Her scent was still reassuring me that I am not dreaming of her and that she is here, in my arms, breathing deeply, and deep in sleep.

I love “gardenia” (Chinese Jasmine). She always wears it and tonight she has been wearing it. Like always, it sends me to heaven. For me, this unmistakable scent has become synonymous with her presence. It seems the gods of East have created this scent just to please her, and it is created just to compliment her own skin's scent.

The very first time that I held her close in my embrace was when I learned of this magic sweet chocolate and spring jasmine scent. Holding her, and dancing with her, and looking at her, watching her smiling as we danced those dreamy songs, I felt bewitched.

Whenever we argued we could not stay crossed with each other for very long. I always felt that I was more annoyed with myself for allowing her to make me so angry! Same was true of last night. I was not even certain how it began. It seemed like we were both looking for an excuse to let the anger to surface. The argument was not planned. Foolishly perhaps I felt we were desperately looking for a way to let off steam and knew instinctively that the other would tolerate it without a total fall out.

When I turned the lights out, just before I made sure the alarm clock was not set for an early wake-up call on the New Year's day, I realised I was still bitter with her. We had not even said “good nights”.

I gently moved some hair off her face, and caressed her forehead, carefully traced a line of hair that led a path to her lips. For a moment I wondered if she had smiled back but she had not. She moved a little closer and I sensed the heat of her skin. I continued listening to her breathing deeper. There were no other sounds, just silence. It felt peaceful. The New Year's Eve rebellious seemed to have ended and harmony and gentleness has returned.

I did not want to know of time. It did not matter if it was near dawn or later, all that mattered was that she was in my arms and in my semi consciousness I knew I was no longer angry with her.

I felt she got closer, hugged me tighter, without opening her eyes faced me and quietly whispered “I wish I could hate you, just long enough, maybe for one whole day or night even, then you'd know how much I love you!" She didn't make much sense and I was not sure if this was an apology for last night but it did not matter since it was a sentence that carried some peace offerings. I kissed her gently and replied “me too!”

She hugged me and I sensed her soon falling back asleep again. I could not stop day-dreaming us dancing to our most favourite tangos. I loved our belonging. I knew that despite the evil green monster of jealousy plotting against us we would survive once more together.

(Milongacat is back!)

Saturday, December 16

Irony at Midnight

I know it was not fair, but I did not want to talk about me, her, or the crowd there. I only wanted her to open her arms wide and let me embrace her tight. I wanted to feel her close. I wanted to tango with her, across that floor, through those songs, all night tonight.

I know it was not fair, but I am not flawless, and I am no angel. All that I wanted was dancing with her and not to measure ourselves against that one other. "Sorry" is bad when we live envious, but how come no one sees it coming when we are making room in their lives for the empty? I suppose we can not help it, we always understand it when it is too late, or when we grieve. It is only when we can never talk that we begin to think rational.

I wanted her to feel good, to take all the options given to her for free. She had won the moves and the prizes despite and in spite of all the faults. Perhaps it was the charm of those tracks and dreamy words that meant what we wished them to say in our own minds.

Remembering the obvious attractions and to let it continue to go around, all the while knowing that it does not come around. I wonder how long it will be before I screw it up next again. She said "It never matters how hard I try!". What it comes down to is this that I seem to be for ever destined to get myself here where I am "the good-lover" who is sorry in or near the dawn for mispronouncing a familiar feeling once again!

As I leave tonight, breathing in the fresh salty air, I will make sure I will shout very loud "I am all right, I am free!", I wonder if I am a little wiser by the dawn. It is midnight and I will not regret the lottery that we lost. Let us not deny the pleasures we found when we were both drowned.

I am happy for all that we could not help, the secretes we kept, or all the promises we made, broke or forgot. Let the silent become alive, don't say "it will not hurt much again, you must be more careful for the next time!"

How can it not be ironic when we passionately danced a love song but left our love behind?

I know it was not fair but I only wanted her to open her arms wide and let me embrace her tight to dance with her the very last song and part without either of us saying good-bye.

(Milongacat is back!)

Tuesday, December 12

Nearly Dawn

Capturing the moonlight of dreams,
it is only you who is on my mind

Coping with all the sad days ,
it is only you who is on my mind

Reaching the deep blue of the sky,
Rising from the purple depth of the oceans,
it is only you who is on my mind

Wanting to taste life,
my tears burn into these letters,
like the heart of the desert wishing kisses of rain,
I can wish no other,
it is only you who is on my mind

The candle fights to survive, my tears waiting but never cease to dry,
it is nearly dawn and ....
it is only you who is on my mind.

Monday, December 11

Xmas Parties

This week and the next will be party weeks. At homes, offices, with friends, relatives and colleagues there will be many occasions to be merry and festive. However what I am looking forward to the most are the Tango Parties.

There are some notably good ones every year and in my opinion some of our best parties are held at the Dome, the Welsh Centre and the Crypt. This year we shall also be having the chance to experience the Negracha's.

From what I recall, the Crypt's xmas party offering us LIVE music, party drinks, and good food came up first at the top last year. It was a wonderful evening that many shall remember for being one of the best organised for xmas in London for many years.

I am hoping there will be more than one that we can have good memories with for this year.

Merry Christmas from 24tango bloggers.

Wednesday, December 6

Missing OS at Zero Hour

We all love OS. He knew how to spin those records every Wednesday at The Zero Hour – The Dome. He would study the dancers on the floor constantly and he would choose what to play next not by accident but by design, experience and knowledge. He was very rarely ever lazy with his job as a DJ. His choices were never made in isolation from each other or without considering either the dancers or the mood of the evening.

There was always a plan. It was shaped and worked on as the evening progressed.
His choices ranged from the classic to the ultra modern but he had a thread joining them together. That thread ran seamlessly and effortlessly through the songs of tangos, Waltzes, and Milongas.

He knew how to generate movement on the floor and build up the energy and movement on the floor. On the other hand he knew how to calm the crowd down after some ultra fast ones.

Everyone who visited the Zero Hour knows that there was something special about the DJ's choices, and almost everyone was pleased by the end of the evening.

He did not play the records to promote himself but he played them to promote the club. It was very common to see dancers to go and thank him at the end of the night for the pleasure they had. Sadly since he has left us from the Dome we have not had the same spirit there anymore. The records get played by what seems to be random and in a haphazard way.

It has been so bad on occasions that at midnight when the evening is finished "NO ONE" has a clue that it is over!!! The confused look on the DJ's face is the only message to those who are near him to see it that in fact he is also not sure what is to happen next!

Last week we had some songs played 3 times over in less that one hour and half!

It looks that the DJ has forgotten what the J stands for in his job as a DJ, no wonder he calls himself MR D! The impression we get is that he has not got a clue what the amplifier's knobs and buttons in front of him are there for either. The only bit of the equalizer he ever uses – if someone bothers to tell him off for – is the volume bar.

The records are often interrupted before they have properly reached their end notes. It has become common for everyone to be surprised if some songs ever reach their proper last notes. It all indicates that the DJ is very nervous and not sure when to change from one deck to the other.

"Dear OS please come back if it is possible at all!", we all miss him dearly and are very disappointed that his absence is filled by a DJ who does not even know how to fake it - never mind how to make it!

The really irritating thing is that there are so many good DJs available in London who would have done a better job but we ended up with the one who is missing a J in DJ.

Common! you guys at the dome, don't be so mean to us, give us the dome back with a DJ who indulges us, and not himself or you alone.

Milongacat is back!

Sunday, December 3

Shades of Red

My only fear remains with you if you choose not to paint us in these songs.

I know there is no other for me who can carry my desires for life so deep and so long. The demands I leave with you.

Have I told you lately how I have found it impossible to be away from you. There is none that wish for more except your embrace when I hear any tango song. I am in love with the colours that you let us paint when we dance, I am in love with all those shades.

Shades of Red, the colour of life, the colour of tango, I am in love red.